Secrets Buried With The Dead…and Forgotten

An old friend that I used to run around with died recently. He was a co-worker from years back and he was beautiful. I mean movie star beautiful-  black hair,long eyelashes ,muscular. We were just friends, he was someone to run around with and I was just a shy girl anyway. as what happens with most friends, your friends for time and then you lose touch. but as fate would have it we ran into each other he immediately called out my name and we reconnected. So subsequently we’ve run into each other semi frequently.

But now he had a son and he had a rocky on again off again relationship going. when I ran into him a few times he was a construction worker so he was pretty beat from his job. He mentioned a few things not going completely right with this life, but nothing extreme.

The last time I had seen him,  I  turned around and there was with his little son. We marveled at the fact that we were in a totally different City about 40 miles from where we lived.

About a month later I happened to be reading the local paper and I just glanced at the obituaries and there he was. I was shocked. He was healthy and no reason was given.  As a rule I always go to the calling hours mostly to pray for the Dead. I learned a few years back that Protestants don’t pray for the Dead. As a cradle Catholic I’ve learned to always pray for the Dead just to make sure that their souls get out of purgatory.

At the calling hours I was disappointed in the fact that it was closed casket. I wanted to see him for myself it’s important for those of us just to see the body and have closure. So I couldn’t even see him. There were pictures and a presentation slideshow, a minister speaking about a his short life.

But absolutely no one knew the exact cause of his death. And if they did know they weren’t going to tell. And I asked. I asked four separate people four times during the entire service. No one knew. But an astute man pointed out that there was a policeman present. ‘ How often do you see that,’ he asked. I’ll never know how or why he died.

When I mentioned this to coworker she said if they don’t tell you it’s usually because it wasn’t good. She’s right and I knew it was true before I asked.

It made me ponder about all the things we keep in the recesses of our mind which we bury and forget about. My extended family has all kinds of dodgy pasts. When they have died,we’ve buried all their Dirty Deeds never to really speak about them again.  Mostly I’m sure it’s because you’re not supposed to speak ill of the Dead for fear of God, but also for fear the dead will come to haunt you!

Yeah there’s been some nasty pasts in my extended family, unmentionables things it even I don’t want to write about, evil, dastardly things.

And yet we all try to forget it cover it bury it and move forward. In my family mum’s the Word, silence is golden and ignorance is bliss!

I have an older cousin who every so often tries to stuff my immediate family in closet with all of those skeletons, fully knowing that there’s no room for us! I’m happy to report that sure we’ve done some things that we’re not proud of.  But yes we haven’t done all the unmentionables that my extended family has that is certain.  I often wondered what has saved us from falling into that great Abyss that surrounds a lot of families . And without a doubt that something is of course our faith-based upbringing. A huge fear of God goes a long way in your day-to-day life!

Another fact is that the Devil Makes use of Idle Hands. Having steady employment year after year really does keep you out of trouble that’s for sure. In my work I encounter all walks of people all social castes.  The people who approach me asking for money or wanting a ride or cigarettes or a light (of course I don’t even smoke! ) or wanting money for food, are they really legitimate or are they just wanting the money for drugs or alcohol?

I guess I’ll never really know and the truth be told I have my own concerns my own was my own worries my own goals. Maybe we’re really not our Brother’s Keeper. And it is hard to discern who’s really needy versus who’s deceiving.

I do regret not distinguishing general complaints from dire thoughts. When last I seen him with his son he seemed happy. But maybe I was happy; it was a beautiful day, I was at a city I loved enjoying an event – and I assumed he was too.

 

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