When my childhood friend called me late night September, she was winded and said: “I didn’t think you knew, but I’ve been diagnosed with cancer.” No, I didn’t know and I was shocked by it.
As we talked over the next weeks and months I was at a loss over what to say. She was a hard-headed woman, as the saying goes, and she called the shots. She always did. She was Electra Woman and I was Dyna Girl. She became angry, complications arose, she was sent to a nursing home for ‘rehabilitation. ‘
We were good Catholic girls from the cradle. We leaned on our faith. Her anger, my work schedule, my derth of words- kept me away.
And then I had the dream. An old white farmhouse resting on shaggy green grass, in a midsummer afternoon. It was deserted, and I didn’t wanted enter it but she did. So as dreams work, suddenly we were inside. We were in the white walled hallway, doorways staggered on both sides. She was leading the way, I wanted out with a twinge of foreboding. I wasn’t in danger, but I just didn’t want to be there. She said: “I’ll get you out.” We went into a room. I’m very short and the sole window was extremely high up. She was super tall and with a swoop holstered my foot and out the window I went.
As dreams fudge and smudge, I was safely outdoors and I turned to help her out. She leaned out the window and said: “I’m gonna stay here.” I wasn’t worried and simply went about my way.
When I woke, I knew I needed to make time to visit her. She was about an hour away, but I needed to go. I called her right away, she answered. By now treatment, medication and strokes, had left conversations to her random mutterings. She was giving up. To combat this I called in my secret weapon…Mom! Tough love, ‘God’ll get you!’ Mom! She gave her the what for and told her to fight.
I promised myself to visit asap. And then a week later…the text. My sister offered me condolences on her passing. I was astounded! My brother in law has heard just that moment from a parishoner. I was in disbelief, stunned. Immediately I sent a text to her ex-husband. We talked. He too believed until four days prior that she would beat it.
Stunned, I attended calling hours, but with closed casket, there just wasn’t any proof! Only until the funeral mass, with her family escorting her casket did I realize that I would see her no more.
I called her cell and got her voice mail message. I left her some private thoughts.
I had been praying everyday for two years for her recovery, now I pray for her soul. I feared that she was in purgatory, I made it my business to try and get her released. I light votive candles for her at the church shrine. I had masses said for her, monks pray for her and sisters remember her in their prayers.
And then I had the dream. I was outside an off white building, a huge building. As dreams blur..inside people were rushing passed me making a dash for the door outside. I was looking for her and found her sitting patiently in a white cell. I opened the gate and told her it was time to go!
Outside a murky gray sky above, on a sidewalk, I carefully zipped up her hoodie and asked her where to. She replied mundanely: ” I’m going to see my family.” I knew she meant her mom, brother and sister who had all died within the past five years!
I woke up feeling the dread that she was still in purgatory, but not in the bowels.
She and I had discussed after her brother died, that the death pattern would end. Three of her family; mother, brother, sister was enough. Death only comes in threes. She was safe. Yet, just over a year after the sudden death of her brother, she was gone.
I’ve had two other dreams of her and talked with a mystic about her and I plan to write those in another post. I pray for her soul everyday and beg God for her release.