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The Dead And The “C” Student Catholic

The Dead Appear In Dreams To Communicate The Needs Of Their Souls

Shortly after the burial of my mother, I tried once again to sleep. As in the prior months after her death, I would pray before bed. Just as I prayed for her soul as she was actively dying, I prayed every chance I had throughout the day, too. Only the precise instance she died, a distinct change occurred. A switch was hit. A fervor ceased. A realization that my prayers, my faith, my confidence had no bearing. I had no sway, no pull, no influence on God. I continued to pray regardless, but my conviction, my enthusiasm was no longer present.

Mom Appears

This time as I slept – and like prior dreams of Holy Souls In Purgatory; these happen just before waking- I was in my childhood home. It was as it appeared years ago, before my parents remodeled. Yet I was as I am now. Dad was there frantic, waiting for the ambulance. Mom was in another room, unseen but needed help. I stepped outside the house, for the paramedics had arrived. A team entered, I watched from the grass. I sensed that they couldn’t find her. Dad opened the door and said she’s missing; they can’t locate her. I needed to start looking. I turned to face our large property. As I ran down our small hill past our outbuildings, I seen her. She was standing at the foot of another hill leading up to our bank barn. Suddenly I was in front of her. She appeared as I remembered her in her 40’s. She had on a white short sleeve blouse and dark blue slacks. I was trying to tell her she needed to come back to the house. She needed to go to the hospital, to come inside. She shook her head. It was as though; she was bursting while shaking her hands ‘no.’ She was excited, smiling without parting her lips. I was too busy trying to coax her back, that I didn’t have the presence to ask her if she needed anything from me to help free her soul from purgatory. Then it happened. She took off running at lightning speed. Up the hill and over it. By the time I ran after her, the last glimpse I seen was her already up our neighbors’ massive hill and disappearing in their wood line. I was yelling for her as I came down our barn hill and onto our neighbor’s yard. Their yard too, was decades earlier. I looked to my right, and a woman stood a distance away in what once was a garden. She had a hoe in her hands. I did not recognize her. I asked if she seen my mom. Out of nowhere a huge gray dog was near her. I knew that I was in trouble. I sensed that this gray dog would attack me. As I turned opposite, the dog was in front of me. He leapt at me. I fell onto my back. His huge jaw on top of me coming to clamp down on my face. I instantly woke. I knew it was a visit; I missed my chance to ask her what more she needed to be released from purgatory. I also was aware that I could not pursue her. I think the dog was a hound of heaven and was making it clear that I could not enter nor chase after her.

My Sister

She died just two months after Mom. Our Priest had given her the Apostolic Blessing, which I took as a ‘get out of purgatory free card.’ Turns out it wasn’t. I prayed for her several times daily. But I was not focused on her soul’s well-being, because of the pardon. One day, three months after her death, I became somewhat concerned though. I prayed to Mother Mary, my special intercessor and asked if she was indeed, okay – just in case. And several days later a strange dream happened. I was in the basement of my childhood. So, that we are clear, this is a 225-year-old farmhouse. The basement is rocky, gray, crude and no matter how many lights are on, still it casts shadows. I was there, again as I am now. The light bulb was dangling. It was heavily shadowed, mom was there by the light, this time she looked as she had before she died. She stood by an open book resting on a stand, she gestured at the book. I approached the book, put my head down and said, ‘My poor sister!’ I stepped away and lying on the floor were dying, malnourished newborn kittens gasping for air. As I took another step, I seen what I thought was a shaggy matted feral barn cat I have. Although askew, it resembled my cat with the sandy tones, orange and black, it was eating out of a bowl. Then it did something amazing. It stood on its hind legs, but as it did so it grew to my height. It walked on two feet into the shadows. I woke. But I couldn’t make any sense out of this dream.

Does She Need Help

Unsure, I went ahead and had more Masses said for both mom and our sister. But oddly I wasn’t too worried about her. So, about three weeks later, when the nagging reminder of the dream surfaced I prayed to Mother and asked, ‘Does she need help?’ And several nights later just before waking I heard distinctly my voice asking;” Does she need help?” and a loud reply in a woman’s voice said: “She needs help.” Boy did I wake up! I prayed more, gave alms and said a rosary. I procured Masses for her. Then three months later, I had THE dream.

Confinment

I found myself inside a huge, barely lit commercial industrial like building. It stretched multiple stories high which were recessed into the darkness and shadows. On the floor level were tight aisles with rows of small, closed-door closet like spaces. I was in front of one door. It was very dark, but I could make out what was around me. In front of the door, I called out my sister’s name. From inside that closet I hear a soft, ‘Yeah.’ I opened the door, and she literally fell into my arms. I held her as she curled up in my lap. And I awoke, greatly disturbed. I started praying more, but my spark, my certainty had gone. How could I help her?

My Priest

Four months later, uncertain if my efforts had helped her or Mom, I mustered the courage to talk to our Priest. I had been debating asking his advice for months. I was still at a disbelief over the Apostolic Pardon not assuring she had bypassed purgatory. The time came for me to ask; “Is it possible that a C-Student Catholic, possibly a D-Student, could have dreams where the dead appear needing my help?” He responded: “Yes. It’s our faith that we commune with the saints. Be confident that their salvation is assured. Their suffering is a separation from God, but they will be delivered.” I asked about the Apostolic Pardon – is it not the free pass I thought? “No, it is not a get out of purgatory free pass.” I told him that she’s not in a good place. He replied: “God works out of time and space. I may have seen where she WAS, but she is not there now.”

Church “Friends”

Father went onto say that both parishes (our area has combined local churches due to a shortage of Priests) have “Friends.” It wasn’t clear to me what “Friends” were. He said, “I prefer ‘friends’ to ghosts. At both churches I’ve heard voices, noises, actually several of us have. We are aware of them. What we can do is pray for them, offer alms, rosaries, our sufferings and Masses.”

Dry Prayer

Once he said this, I had to confess that all of my confidence in prayer, ended the exact moment mom died. He nodded instantly. He called this “dry prayer.” The only way to overcome it, he said, was to “keep praying.” By continuing on with my prayers, the diffidence feeling will subside. And one month later, it has. After a few more sacrifices, I will pray and ask for an update on my sister’s level of purgatory. I’m sure I’ll receive it. But first I must try harder to help her.

Footnote: After much discernment and yes, prayer, I finally came to the realization that the “animal” was in fact my sister. I recognized the resemblance. Her shaggy mane of blondish hair, the fact that she was a little taller than me, and I knew that the “cat-like animal” was female. Thus, Mom being present, too. During this prayerful period, I was reading about a Catholic mystic. She had seen souls suffering in purgatory who were “animal-like” and then I knew without a doubt, it was my sister.

The Will – Bring Out The UGLY

Bring out your dead…and out come the wolves!

I found out the hard way; family doesn’t stick together once money – big or small is involved. All of the promises made by my siblings, their words given to me, meant nothing. They wanted their share. No matter that Dad is still alive and I’ve been taking care of my parent’s property, outbuildings, and any needs or wants prior to mom’s death. No, they “permitted” me to do these; while living their lives carefree, without thinking twice about who’s minding the store.

The Verbal Agreement

Over the decades, my older brother and sister repeatedly had told me that they both wanted me to have our childhood home. Afterall, they had families and homes of their own. They had each stressed all of the work, care, time and money that I had contributed to our parents’ lives. I of course, did this out of obedience both to God and my to parents. It is the fourth commandment.

Mom Died, Then My Sister

Once the initial shock of losing them both back-to-back, had begun to ease, Dad made an appointment with his senior attorney. I went with Dad. Not only did the will need to be totally redone, but all beneficiaries changed for life insurance policies, all titles such as house and cars needed to have a beneficiary named and a transfer upon death form completed. The same for all bank accounts, holdings, deposit boxes, etc. She wanted this done as soon as possible and gave him two weeks to execute this. Another thing the attorney stressed was the house. Unbeknownst to me, three years prior when mom and dad had their will done by this same attorney, an in-depth discussion ensued. And it revolved around me. For at that time, I had been giving mom one of my two-week paychecks. She needed it for her treatments. Her disease was rare called Pemphigoid, and her health care would not cover her care outside her network. And the specialist she needed was outside her care. At that point, she had received one thousand a month from me to cover her treatments, for the last three years. Mom had told me that she would apply this money to her ledger, and it would go against “buying out” my younger sister. For mom knew that she would not relent to my receiving the house without her due share. (I dismissed all of this. For I felt that mom and dad would live another decade or more. Why, because they had each other and I did most of the hard work. Also, my younger sister [by only a few years] had told me on several occasions that I should have the house. Thus, keeping it in the family.) Ironically, at this time period an old family friend was this attorney’s receptionist. This friend told me recently that the attorney, who rarely spoke her opinions to her staff, let everyone know how impressed she was. The fact that I helped my aging parents live their lives out in their own home, while doing all repairs and upkeep at my cost, plus helping mom survive. I won’t forget it, and neither did the attorney. I had never met her before this meeting, but she paused and said to dad that now we needed to talk about me.

How I Played A Major Role In The Will

During this time, my older sister was actively dying, though it was not immediately communicated to us. The attorney, who asked if any children were disabled, then learned of our oldest sister. She had a rare form of Alzheimer’s called Benson’s Syndrome. She would die two weeks later. Then the attorney went onto to say that the next order of business was to ensure that I get the family home. I did not yet know about the years earlier discussion with mom. Nor was I expecting a candid conversation about the ‘purchasing’ of the house from my siblings. I remained quiet. Listening to dad talk about how they all expected $50K each or $150K for the house, I became anxious. Yes, the house is worth an easy $450K, but I was told worst case scenario paying my younger sister $50K from my retirement savings. Again, when I retire, from my 401K earnings! We she asked me if I could do that, I then spoke up and said that my oldest sister and brother are foregoing their share, and I was expecting my other sister to follow suit. If she doesn’t, then mom said $50K for her. Dad said: ‘They may have said they wanted you to have it. Don’t count on it, people get funny when there’s a will.’

They Did Get Funny About Money

Almost instantaneously, my brother wanted his share, along with of course my younger sister. Once my older sister had died, then dad without hesitation, cut out her husband and son from the will. No possessions, nothing. Several trips back and forth to the attorney’s office. Many meetings with her team to sort out insurance payments, titles, transfer upon death forms. Dad was secretive about the doling out of their possessions. His closely regarded valuables, mom’s jewelry, heirlooms-were all pawns for him. One week this went to my brother, the next week, no. By cutting out my older sister, now everything was split three ways. Long ago it was decided by my parents to go by the taxes only, to keep the house purchase by me affordable. So the sum I needed to pay for each share? $66,667.00. You read that right…

Leverage

After receiving several nasty calls from my brother stating (without prompt or provocation) that he never said he was going to give his share to me. Just for him to do an about face here and there, I wasn’t sure who to trust. My younger sister couldn’t wait to shout: “I’m not getting screwed out of my inheritance!” That cemented it. I had to pay her. Meanwhile my deceased sister’s husband wanted to vouch for me. Her knew my sister had told him that she wanted to forgo her share for me. My cousin, second that. Word spread and my extended family learned of the drama over the will. Now, the attorney wanted a meeting to draw up a family agreement.

The Family Meeting

You could feel the chill. No one looked each other in the eyes. And as per usual, I had to pick my brother up and take him to the meeting. For years now, this had become a routine. But if he were to be a Judas to me – he can get his own ride! Dad said no. He claimed my brother was going to keep his word to me, though reluctantly. I had heatedly told dad the night before, if I was to be expected to pay out $134K, I might as well go to our nearest city. I could get two homes for that! No joke. I told him I’d move out and let my younger sister take care of him. For mom had told me at the most $50K for my sister. Thinking, for he knew the consequences, that he would wind up in a senior home, he became frightened. He told me later, that he called my brother and struck a bargain with him. If he kept his promise to me, dad would leave him his Model A, his tools, contracting equipment, guitar equipment and coin collection. But my brother demanded dad’s prized electric guitar, too. Dad would not relinquish the guitar, no that was dad’s leverage. Also, he proposed the $50K to my sister.

Back to the meeting, when the attorney asked if my brother wanted his share, he quietly said; “No.” Thank God. Now onto my sister. For clarification, there are seventeen barn cats on the property. I’ve taken care of them, too. Some are feral. All but one have been neutered or spayed. The oldest at that time was 17 years. She used them as collateral as leverage to get what she wanted. Extortion. It was ugly. She looked at the attorney and said, “I’ll take the $50,000 if she takes all but two of the cats to a no-kill shelter. What’s it going to be. The cats or the house?” I was not expecting such a low, manipulative, evil, disgusting, heartless blow from my own sister, who I doted on in her life. She’s sick, a bi-polar off her meds by her own admission. It was despicable. I stood up, I told her that she was not to touch those animals. I was ready to walk. I meant it. The attorney shouted for me to sit down. She said this is easy to rectify. You will pay her upon your father’s death $66,667.00. My sister smugly agreed to this.

Not Too Fast – Still Greedy

The attorney would get back to us in approximately 3 weeks, papers drawn each of us were to sign and it was written in stone. Oh, no. Three months went by, why? Because my brother and sister were bickering over the phone. My brother wanted to know why she was so greedy. They could each have received $33,000 from me. She took offense and called the attorney! She told the attorney that my brother needed his share! She stirred up more trouble. So, when I thought, I was going to sign the final papers, I was met with the question of buying my brother out for another $66.667.00! So $134K of my retirement. The answer was no. I stood up and said I’m done. She asked me to step out of the room while she spoke to dad. Later I was called in. Dad would add more of his savings to brother’s tally. This he felt, would level the shares. After we left, I let dad know that if they did not sign this agreement in the next two days, I was pulling out, moving out and I could care less. I meant it. Oh, they beat feet to sign it.

At What cost?

All of this to fulfill my promise to mom to keep it in the family. All this so I could leave it to my deceased sisters’ grandson. All of this nonsense so my dad could stay in his home. For I am just the curator, the steward, the target of contempt. This is a cautionary tale for you, please learn from it.

Selecting Headstones

I Was In No Hurry To See Their Names On Granite

Nor was Dad. Yes, it took 10 months to make the necessary decision to purchase their headstone markers. Bear in mind, we had to get through all of the legalities first. It not only involved making necessary calls to the likes of life insurance companies, banks, social security, doctor offices and hospitals. More time consuming was the transfer of titles; the house, the cars, the safety deposit box, plus naming new beneficiaries. Then there was the claiming of the life insurance policies, which involved a senior attorney. This cascaded into a 5 month long will revision and family agreement. The will was a drawn-out ordeal. It was horrendous and is the focus of an upcoming post.

The Time Had Come

After letting the dust of the will settle and subside, it became apparent that we must choose a headstone for mom. For any longer a wait would become disrespectful. Months ago, my brother-in-law decided that whatever we chose for mom, he would follow suit for my sister’s headstone. We had received several postcards from a local memorial company. God knows how they received our information. I had learned during the funeral process that from one funeral home to another, when pricing a traditional funeral, the final cost is consistent. One just needs to get the job done. With this mentality, I made the appointment. When the receptionist answered, she asked me a few screening questions. The first was if the marker was for the living or deceased. I had not realized that some have the foresight to plan.

Monument Appointment

Many months before Mom died, in fact she was not at risk of dying, she discussed purchasing the opening/closing of our family plots. Just two years prior, we had purchased eight plots in our church cemetery. After purchasing the opening/closing costs, she wanted to then work on a monument. She liked the idea of a bench with the family name on it. I had told her that we should do that in the Spring with my tax return. Now, choosing the headstone for her, I had let dad know of her wishes. Dad was leery that the bench would be too costly.

Monument Office Visit

At our appointment, I took note of how informal the atmosphere appeared. Our senior representative, and his colleague were both dressed very casually. No one spoke in hushed tones. Once again, as with the funeral home visit, a potential customer just walked in and inquired about a grave marker. As with that prior incident, the customer was encouraged to schedule an appointment. Once inside the office, the first order of business; choosing the stone. The stone choice determines the price. I explained that mom loved her Irish heritage, and I thought that a green stone with gold lettering would be a real tribute to her. Quickly, he shot that down. Green stones were some of the most expensive, hard to acquire and gold lettering extremely high priced. He quickly pointed to a pink stone color (their most popular price). I’ve seen that many times at our cemetery. They can keep it. I liked the next tier scheme of blue/gray/red/black mix. Dad did, too. From there he immediately went over the standard shape for a double monument. Dad had wanted a shared marker. The thickness of the marker 8 inches down to 6 inches, the width 42 inches trimmed to 36 inches and the base from 48 inches cut to 42 inches would significantly affect the pricing. Also built into the price, but provided by our cemetery, was the foundation concrete footer. This footer is poured three foot deep 18 inches wide, with the length determined by our final headstone choice. These footers are also grouped with other orders, and when enough are filled a contractor then pours the foundations. The wait is usually 4 to 6 months. Right about the same time as our stone would be finished; after our art approval and payment.

Pricing!

Being proficient on the design program, our rep quickly filled in our contact information and on a large 3-foot screen began to design some marker concepts. Initially in grays, he added Mom’s name and dates, then dads. He zoomed in and out, repositioned until he pleasantly displayed all. He explained that built into the cost, any artwork designs could be added. Since we our Catholic, I asked about a Crucifix. He had about six different renderings, but I liked the Traditional one. He effortlessly put one in the center. Knowing that mom was Irish, he also suggested a shamrock in the corner above her name. Then came the pricing $7600.00 plus tax and $1200.00 for the footer. It was then that I mentioned mom wanting a bench which would have been even higher. But lo and behold, our rep said otherwise! It actually would be much lower, with little compromise. Quickly he made a new draft, same stone, same type style, same lettering, same art but now more room to put all of the siblings first names! After he put the final touches on the new concept, he colorized it with our stone and voile! The price was $5600.00 plus tax and $1200.00

Sold

We were very pleased, especially to get what mom wanted and the price was exceptional. From there we started the concept for my sister’s stone. Though my brother-in-law was paying for hers separately, he asked that we choose it. For she is buried directly behind mom. They died 10 weeks apart. For hers, the process was much quicker, since stone, shape, thickness, type were all chosen prior. When it came to the art, I asked about a Mary image. Again, he had several, but one with her head, shoulders and praying hands with Rosary really stood out. Our rep made it work. It’s beautiful. And the cost $3900.00 plus tax and $1000.00 for the footer. My brother-in-law approved it. He scheduled his own appointment for payment. While there, he also had his name engraved on the back side. For our plots are in the shape of the Cross, so he will be buried behind my sister. All is paid for, so come Spring, footers will be poured. Shortly thereafter, their headstones will be installed, with a small blessing ceremony by our Priest.

Eternal rest grant unto them oh Lord. And let perpetually light shine upon them. May they rest in peace, amen. May their souls and all the faithful departed through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

Soul Passing through Soul…Donna’s Near Death Total Eclipse

I recently ran into Donna, an acquaintance. Having just experienced the total eclipse in our area, I asked her if she had a chance to view it. She’s a store manager and knowing the long hours she works, I wasn’t sure if she would have taken the time. “Oh, yes! It was wonderful. It was really something. That white light (during the full eclipse) reminded me of when I died.”

This surprised me, “What? You had a near-death experience?” I had to know the details, and Donna told me her story. She started and told me several times “I really don’t like to talk about it.”

Donna died during premature Labor

Several decades earlier she was pregnant with identical twin boys. She started to go into labor at only 7 months. Her doctors felt that was too early, as she was carrying twins, and they weren’t fully developed. At the hospital, a monitoring strap was placed around her abdomen. All information would be read from the strap and a long ticker tape would print out. The nurse would mark the tape at intervals. At one point, the doctors decided to prescribe medication to stop the labor. A head nurse explained to Donna that she would receive an injection to slow the labor. Another nurse came in a few moments afterwards and gave her a shot.

Donna suddenly was above her body. “I was above my body, looking down at the nurse. She ran out of the room. And then like that – (snaps her fingers) I was in total darkness. Everything was black. I started to worry a little because it was so black. It didn’t feel right. And then-

Two Bright Lights Sped Past Her

Two incredibly bright lights sped past me – like SWOOSH SWOOSH! I mean they zoomed by. I turned to follow them and then I saw it. The whitest light, far in the distance. It was white like the eclipse corona. I knew that there were others waiting for me in that light. It was peaceful.

Suddenly Back In Her Body

Just then I awoke on the hospital bed. I said: “You killed me! You killed me!” The head nurse was there trying to calm me. There was a time lapse, it felt like I had died and was gone for some time, when only a minute or so had passed. The head nurse explained that the other nurse had mistakenly given her the dose all at once instead of in intervals. So, she had to give Donna another injection. Donna fought this, but she reluctantly received it.

Her Twins Died

It was explained later that the first injection caused her blood pressure to drop, which caused a stroke-like effect to her twins. They had died. After the immense grief her and her husband endured, Donna finally asked for her hospital records months later. None were found. She couldn’t even get in touch with the head nurse who attended to her.

“I realized afterwards that those two white lights that sped past me – were my sons souls.” Donna paused, reflected and said, “I absolutely know that there is a God, and my sons are with him.”

The What ifs

“Every so-often I think of the what-ifs. Of raising them, how they would have turned out. Wouldn’t it have been something to see? Those two IDENTICAL twin boys growing up…”

I didn’t press her for more as her voice trailed off with the wonder. Thankfully, something work related came up to distract her attention.

401K – The Truth About The Millionaire Myth

From A Gen Xer who REALLY Knows!!!

As a Generation X who was sold on the 401K Millionaire Myth, I know first-hand the truth. MY generation was THE first to rely on the 401K as a retirement plan. All the Baby Boomers landed what was left of the union jobs (they were bequeath from their Silent Generation parents via nepotism or networking). Which left us out, scrounging for any entry level jobs. And they were entry level. Made all the worse if you did not have a college education. Most of us in rural areas went to trade/vocational high schools. The idea was, that you would arrive at the work place with some specific skill sets geared to a certain industry. Thus, you’d have a leg up on the competition and your chances (though slim) would get you an interview. With that said, this is where the majority on Gen Xers found themselves within the workforce.

The Average Yearly Salary In The Midwest is $31,500.00

And for most Gen Xers it remained that amount for several decades. So we will use $32K as our base model for this article. By law you can only contribute 10% of your yearly income to your 401K. This includes any employer match. So if you put in 5% and your employer would match up to 5% you were very fortunate. But after a few years suddenly employer policy always seemed to change to 4% match, then dropping to 3% in most cases. Afterall, most of us were never employed by a Fortune 500 company. So small business or retail was our lot.

The 401K is Based On Compound Interest…

So if we take the $32K and contribute 10% (with our 5% and employer 5%) we are at $3200.00. So, if you enrolled into the program at say 25 years old, (the average age one started) back then once you chose your ‘portfolio’ you were pretty much locked in. Also, we had very little play in where and what we were investing in. You were given options usually three choices and given recommendations. This was in a brief hour long seminar. Many promises were given about investing in the stock market. Of course no details were divulged, but it seemed like a great mysterious plan to acquire wealth beyond anything your average lower middle class family ever had. It was an automatic withdrawal from your pre-tax dollars ‘you’d never miss it!’

Autopilot Deduction…

So…we let our deductions roll on year after year to accrue. Back in the 90’s the growth seemed okay (but nothing like 2016-2020) so after 5 years our $16K would be more like $20,800. Again, most of us had to ‘borrow’ from our 401K for downpayments on homes or help with large expenses. (We didn’t get much help from family – we raised ourselves more on that in another post). So for this model, we’ll let this 401K go on for a total of 30 years, hitting the 55 year mark. Why? Because after 55 you can increase your contribution without tax penalties. And even though there were raises, job changes, etc., once we figure in any cash withdrawals, this model still holds. So 30 years later at $3200. 00 a year our 401K should have an average of $ $144,000.00 Except that we lived through the recession of 2008 so subtract $35,000.00 and the great hit of 2022, which lost another $30,000.00. So with the gains on the last year we are back up to $120, 960.00

Retirement Age Increased…

So right when we were knee deep in the workplace, Social Security increased the retirement age from 55 years old to 62 years old. I guess were are living longer now. But! At 62 you would have to pay for your own healthcare if you choose to retire. So, 67 years old it will be for the majority of us Gen Xers. Back to our 401K contributions. So now at 55 years old, we better up our contributions. We have slight increase in salary let’s go with $37, 000.00 yearly. Let’s make a bold 20% deduction, too. Now we are putting in an aggressive $7,400.00 yearly – again no employer match. With the onslaught of easy online access to your 401K, it’s time to move into an aggressive ‘portfolio.’ We need to take this risk for bigger dividends. It works – do it. For the next 12 years (especially if a Republican is sitting in the Whitehouse) our $7,400 should easily balloon to $133, 200.00 plus our initial $120, 960.00 has grown to $181,440.00. This equals $314,640.00.

How? It always seems to come down to this formula. If the economy is good. The stocks doing okay, the amount will be 1.5 times the amount. The Trump years were greater, but for our model, the average Gen X er should retire at 67 years old with at least $300, 000.00 in their 401K. Period. The truth. Again – start at 25 years old. Contribute a sum total of 10% with employer match. We’ve taken in any withdrawals or borrowing. We’ve taken into account changing jobs where you hadn’t earned the right to participate until after 3 months or 6 months depending on the workplace. Also factored in are all of the years, decades where your salary remained stagnant at $32,000.00 a year. Again, keeping in mind that you finally received a small increase, albeit from finding a new employer or finally being recognized. Either way, when all elements are considered – the average Gen Xer Joe should have $300K to retire on. And that’s no small feat. We had immense hardships at work, in our upbringing and all we had to navigate in our lifetime.

But that is for another blog!

“COME PLAY”

Creepy true story about ghost kid!

As I was in the huge backroom warehouse of a big box retailer. I noticed a small huddle of employees starting to gather near me. This almost always means a meeting, announcement or orientation is about to begin. Which means for me, relocate or I’d be intruding. But no, the night crew was gathering around a story telling employee. First it began with the crew counting all of the people that died at the store during business hours! There were two in the parking lot. One was found in his car after several days of missing work. Finally, someone recognized his car. Peered into the window to find him slumped. The second was a customer who overdosed in his car. Security noticed during a night patrol. The next was a co-worker on lunch break. The storyteller goes on to say: “I was sitting right next to him. He had his head down on his hands on the table. I thought he was sleeping. Thirty minutes after he didn’t come back from lunch, the assistant manager had me go look for him.” He was still there sitting at the table, head on hands. Then there was the customer, who had a massive heart attack in the shopping aisle and died on the scene.

But the real eerie tale began when the storyteller said – “That ain’t nothing wait till you hear this-“

“Come Play”….then he recounts HIS story. When I was eight years old, I moved into a three story townhome in (Midwest Small City) with my Mom, Dad and 13 year old sister. My room had the door which led up to the 3rd floor, which was basically he attic. Mom and Dad kept it shut, it was drafty and the steps were steep. Well, soon enough I would wake up late at night hearing the attic door open. There would be a little boy standing there. I wasn’t scared. This happened many times, it seemed almost nightly. I’d fall asleep most nights. I’d wake up to see him playing with my toys on the floor. He would say : “Come play.” Several times I’d hear the door open. He would be at my bed and say: “Come play.” Then he’d disappear. But most nights I’d wake up and he’d be waiting for me on the floor with my toys.”

I had to press him for details – this was the best ghost story, and I hate creepy dead kids! I asked him what did he do?! He said – “I played toys with him till I got too sleepy! He stayed playing while I crawled in bed and fell asleep. So I asked what happened then? ”Well, once at breakfast I finally mentioned how the boy kept me up late playing.” My sister freaked she did not believe me, thought I was making things up to scare her, trying to get another room, all kinds of things. Mom and Dad waved it off. So…I finally convinced her (his sister) to stay in my room for a few nights and see what happens.”

It Happened – the first few nights nothing. ”She was ready to call my bluff, but still stayed in my room. Then it happened. She heard the door open. They boy came up to the bed. As she laid there, he put his hand on her leg and said: “Come Play!” He disappeared. But she SCREAMED and ran out of there!”

So then what happened?! I asked. ”Oh it was a big deal, we only stayed there a little while longer and then moved. To this day me and my sister still talk about it.”

Me too! “Come Play!” Creepy dead kids playing at night…

Cleveland Really does Rock! The Agora

MUSHROOMHEAD 1993

I’m going to write a series on my Cleveland concert going in the 90’s…and it wouldn’t be the 90’s in Cleveland without Mushroomhead!

I want to talk to you about all the fun I had at the infamous Agora in Cleveland Ohio. I want you to believe all the stories you’ve heard – Cleveland really does Rock. I’ve experienced so many Fantastic unbelievable garish sinfully outrageous bizarre concerts people and Situations at the awesome Agora and of course in the early days and the hey day of Mushroomhead! Because during the 90s it was nothing for me to see about 80 concerts a year, I feel it’s really important to document for those of you who weren’t there who wish you could have been there and those of you who should have been there to read and understand all about it.

I Cannot say enough about the Agora it’s my absolute favorite place to see a show in Cleveland. For one, it was general admission, my favorite. You could get as close or as far as you needed to be from the stage.

But first, the exterior… parking was so far away you had to walk a few blocks because the parking lot was always full, but the best spot was by a now-defunct Mr. Hero or the gas station right across the road on East 55th. You would have to start lining up along Euclid and wait in line until you got into the building. Posters that would line the side of the building, all from the 70s – half of the Bands I didn’t even know but I knew that they were important to Cleveland. By the time you were able to get in and you’d enter through a foyer and hallway and then you would turn to the left there would be the ticket window to the right and you’d have to go up some steps before you get stamps and later you’d have to get patted down but that’s after a lot of fisticuff. Being patted down in the metal detectors – that became normal probably I say sometime in about 94 when Mushroomhead started getting pretty gosh darn big. After getting through security there was a smaller bar to your right and one larger bar to your left and then there was the merch table you descend down some steps and there’d be all the Mushroomhead merch you want to fight over.

THE BALLROOM

It was separated into two venues joined by a common big huge hall, one was called the ballroom my absolute – favorite because it was so small and so near the bars and you had to walk down a another flight of steps to get down to it. It’s just a fantastic place you’d be smashed in there, so much fun. I’ll probably talk about that later. Mushroomhead was just too big to play in that section. Just wasn’t big enough to hold the crowds and Mushroomhead drew so big for a local band it was so hard to even get a ticket and I’ll go into that later too. The interior is so Majestic and has all these plaster reliefs I know they were crumbling but it was so royal it was almost like a museum. And then there are balconies . I never really went up there because I wanted to be close to the band but if you haven’t seen it you’ve got to.

THE THEATRE

The big theatre that’s where Mushroomhead played you’d walk through those doors they would be a Bar to the extreme right and then there would be all these rows of seats set up like a theater rotund so they would descend to the left and to the right. Along the walls they were series of steps then Plateau series of steps of plateau series of steps and then finally you would come down to the orchestra where you could descend the steps. It was huge space before the stage and the stage is up pretty high. Huge stage and a vast open space like I said they were balconies but they were also private to the left into the right more little private balcony booths. Again all kinds of plaster reliefs just an awesome awesome place.

Mushroomhead at the Agora would usually bring outstanding supporting bands with them local bands like Runt, 13 Faces of course Mushroomhead side project 216. In the early days Mushroomhead with string together a curtain of brown craft paper they would play all their intros and then Yank It Down they come out with wearing all kinds of masks- gas masks Ace Frehley mask Pig – Good Times. The original Roxy and Mario would be there all decadent. And the crowd would go wild they were hostile, violent, push you around crowd-surf all night long – but if you fell they would help you up it was a rarity when things got out of hand. Sometimes especially if guys got too drunk they would get it ejected. And I’m telling you I’ve never seen so much crowd euphoria and audience participation I mean from the get-go Mushroomhead had it. I’ve been to many kinds of shows and I know Mushroomhead are fans and I love Kiss, too, but I got to tell you nothing absolutely nothing could top a 90s Mushroomhead show – I’m talking even before the camo.

Mushroomhead became so big that ticket agencies started carrying their tickets. I stayed down in the pit but far enough away so I wouldn’t get smashed or too many people would fall on me that happened a lot. I lost a couple of shoes but being a short girl I just knew I wanted to be down in that action and they were loud make no mistake about it – my ears know and I’ve lost some hearing from too many shows but in order to get that full experience you had to be there! Like I said I’ve been to many Kiss shows but the level of people dressing like their heroes from Mushroomhead was crazy. Especially in the beginning when the mask was something that you could probably find at a store good stuff. A lot of the more risky girls would dress like Roxy. But I never understood why none of the guys tried to be like Mario, darn! As a footnote I wonder where that guy is now!

Mushroomhead used to toss all kinds of stuff into the crowd, sometimes their merch but mostly just things they bought specifically for the show. Speaking of merch even in the early days they had VHS then later DVDs stickers patches I remember them having jumpsuits masks and this was before all the camo of super Buick CD. Back in the crowd there were guys who landed on my head and I haven’t even touched on the Halloween shows so let’s start there.

HALLOWEEN

Mushroomhead Halloween at The Agora soon became legendary…. everyone would scramble to get a ticket. They have the biggest best show for Halloween they design stages specifically for the shows and they were super fun and again I’m talking about the Jman years. And anything with Jman was outstanding. Remember this was the 90’s so I was dressed as Batgirl. I remember trying to crawl out of the pit but somebody was stepping on my cape! There was a lot of booze beer pot crazy women trying to be Roxy, not too many Mario’s though! The Mush guys before the show with mingle in the crowd sometimes without their masks or makeup and then of course after the show. It was so unbelievably crowded in there a lot of guys sweating slimy drunk puking in the trash cans but it was so thrilling. I would take friends of mine who in no way shape form or means even remotely liked metal music, they’d go once and experienced it and want to come again! Problem of course was getting the money up to buy everyone’s ticket! So usually I’d have to rotate friends but from 93 on until Jman left I never missed a show. Only later after I experienced Waylon it just wasn’t the same for me I’m sure it wasn’t the same for a lot. There would be lines to the restroom people passed out sometimes the bouncers dragging guys out the side doors. The bar inside the theater was always lined up. The balconies were full of private parties amps were loud but luckily my hearing lost helped a lot.

The Faded Elegance of the Agora cannot be topped and one time when I did get a little tipsy cuz I’m usually light-duty and I don’t drink much. All I remember about a Mushroomhead show are three things – confetti, two tall guys looking down saying ‘ are you okay’ and my one friend in a balcony yelling down to me ‘hey I got up here .’ After that only two screwdrivers for me period. Can’t say enough about the crowd and how everybody was just part of the fan base and we all got it. We all knew the music cues and what to say and how to react. I’ll never forget all the girls in the restroom passed out vomiting smoking .

I’ve seen it least 80 shows minimum at the Agora alone. That place just hold so many great fun memories. I absolutely love the way it was so dark in there when you want to see a band so you’re just focused in that atmosphere. I never did drugs and like I said I was a light drinker so I am so fully aware of all the great things that went on and all the bizarre things that people did. These people were probably doing some recreational drugs worse they were drunk but boy were they having a great time. You’ve never seen so many shirtless big guys all sweaty because they’re in the pit it was a rarity to see a guy who still had a shirt on. It was a huge party to get your aggression out and to be honest since I was in the pit I’d keep track of Jman and that was about it. I was too busy hearing the music and making sure then I got out of there alive.

But absolutely everyone who attended those shows won the lottery. You are a multi-millionaire if you attended those shows and were able to see them in succession. Now bear in mind I live a good hours drive from there but I would go to Cleveland every time for Mushroomhead and then some. I would be remiss if I didn’t thank the owners of the Agora for all those great shows. Cleveland really does Rock no doubt about it.

I did see some other great shows there so many I really have to write them all down and think about but those that stand out especially are 311 in the ballroom. I went to get my friend a beer and you have to cross the crowd to go up the steps to get to the bar by the time I got the beer went down the steps across the crowd to get to my friend the beer can was crushed and there might have been a quarter of the beer left – great freaking times!

Mushroomhead at the Agora wow you had to be there -you can’t even describe the atmosphere so much excitement just leading up to it and the other bands opening bands Runt so fun and angry 216 angry Mushroomhead they were ferocious but it was a good anger not a violent anger. Everyone who I took to experience it would want to go again and again and again. It was unbelievable it was a phenomenon. People would be lined up around that building waiting to get in.

We actually knew the parking lot attendants at the Mr. Hero section. They recognized us that’s how often we were there. I remember the man telling me he recognized quite a few of the people but us especially because we came from afar. Mushroomhead was kind of like a movement it was different listening to the CD you had to experience it. I’ve seen them relatively recently and again not even close to what they were. A show then was a tangible feeling of excitement and energy like nothing else I’ve experienced since.

If you want to one show you probably went to them to them all!

Long live The Belkins!!!

The Omnific Word

If only I knew how to pronounce it! I’ve been reading lately the Aquarian Gospel of Jesus. It’s extremely informative on so many different levels. The main one of course is that Jesus heals , Jesus raises the dead, Jesus performs Miracles all by saying the Omnific word.

The only problem is no one is sure how to pronounce it! The omnific word of course at least everything that I’ve read indicates that it is the holy name of God. His name being so sacred that the Hebrews only used abbreviations or initials for His name. Over time it came to be known as Yahweh or Jehovah. Even I was taught that as a kid but both those names are wrong . It’s the acceptable pronunciation because you’re not supposed to say the holy and sacred name and it’s becomes a secret a mystery that Moses knew and shared with his people only.

Well according to these esoteric and secret writings like the gospel of the Holy twelve ,the gospel of St Thomas ,the Aquarian Gospel of Jesus and the Book of Yeshua, Jesus taught people to say within their soul (another words not out loud) the omnific word the holy name of God, in order to perform all these miracles healings and raising of the Dead. According to what I’ve read the Pharisees and the scribes took offense to Jesus teaching Christines the Christians to use God’s name to do these wondrous Deeds. Because of that they started to pass down secretly to only a select few the true pronunciation of God’s name. So that over time it was lost and only a Chosen Few even to this day know the true pronunciation and are permitted to use it!

What strikes me the most is that Jesus taught his pronunciation not just to the apostles, not just to his disciples, but to all the people in all the towns the cities in the nation’s that he visited. He taught these people how to use it to heal their own and pass it along. imagine knowing how to use it and being able to heal people. Being able to raise the Dead! Being able to perform miracles to help one another.

So I’ve been reading articles- there’s a lot and listening to hours of audio about these hidden and sacred texts that are not included in the Holy Bible.

No one can be sure at least that’s the great mystery but Jesus said : “If you seek you shall find nothing is hidden that won’t be revealed.” So several Scholars claim to have known the correct pronunciation. Most agree that it is spelled Yehovah. Pronounced Yah-who-wah.

Keeping that in mind you can’t just say the name to yourself. Jesus corrected some disciples who are not able to heal just by saying the God’s name in prayer. Jesus told him that they had to praise God’s name glorify him and then say the omnific word. Several other times when Jesus did create miracles it’s recorded that He said to God : “Make powerful your word!”

Also prevalent, Jesus made it very clear and there’s a Common Thread to a lot of these teachings that we ourselves as a part of God because we are made in God’s image, we ourselves have the ability to heal ourselves and to heal others with our thoughts. Our thoughts have to be focused on the good on everything good and on God because all good things come from God.

Jesus made a point state that our thoughts do become things. How often have you read that? How many of the Unity masters have stated that? Jesus drove this point home many times. Also reiterating that we ourselves have the ability to move mountains. We can if we focus on the good, do not hold grudges with any one, praise and glorify God and inwardly correctly pronounce the Omnific word – God’s true name. (If only we knew how)!

I promise if I decipher how to say it, the correct formula or procedure to communicate directly with God to get prayers answered, miracles performed, the sick healed and the dead resurrected, I will share this with everyone with ears to listen!

I encourage those seeking to review all of these hidden texts. God is trying to communicate with us. Jesus is trying to teach us. Let’s make a pact now uncover these secrets and share with each other. Let’s live our lives to our potential, the way God intended for his people.

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Secrets Buried With The Dead…and Forgotten

An old friend that I used to run around with died recently. He was a co-worker from years back and he was beautiful. I mean movie star beautiful-  black hair,long eyelashes ,muscular. We were just friends, he was someone to run around with and I was just a shy girl anyway. as what happens with most friends, your friends for time and then you lose touch. but as fate would have it we ran into each other he immediately called out my name and we reconnected. So subsequently we’ve run into each other semi frequently.

But now he had a son and he had a rocky on again off again relationship going. when I ran into him a few times he was a construction worker so he was pretty beat from his job. He mentioned a few things not going completely right with this life, but nothing extreme.

The last time I had seen him,  I  turned around and there was with his little son. We marveled at the fact that we were in a totally different City about 40 miles from where we lived.

About a month later I happened to be reading the local paper and I just glanced at the obituaries and there he was. I was shocked. He was healthy and no reason was given.  As a rule I always go to the calling hours mostly to pray for the Dead. I learned a few years back that Protestants don’t pray for the Dead. As a cradle Catholic I’ve learned to always pray for the Dead just to make sure that their souls get out of purgatory.

At the calling hours I was disappointed in the fact that it was closed casket. I wanted to see him for myself it’s important for those of us just to see the body and have closure. So I couldn’t even see him. There were pictures and a presentation slideshow, a minister speaking about a his short life.

But absolutely no one knew the exact cause of his death. And if they did know they weren’t going to tell. And I asked. I asked four separate people four times during the entire service. No one knew. But an astute man pointed out that there was a policeman present. ‘ How often do you see that,’ he asked. I’ll never know how or why he died.

When I mentioned this to coworker she said if they don’t tell you it’s usually because it wasn’t good. She’s right and I knew it was true before I asked.

It made me ponder about all the things we keep in the recesses of our mind which we bury and forget about. My extended family has all kinds of dodgy pasts. When they have died,we’ve buried all their Dirty Deeds never to really speak about them again.  Mostly I’m sure it’s because you’re not supposed to speak ill of the Dead for fear of God, but also for fear the dead will come to haunt you!

Yeah there’s been some nasty pasts in my extended family, unmentionables things it even I don’t want to write about, evil, dastardly things.

And yet we all try to forget it cover it bury it and move forward. In my family mum’s the Word, silence is golden and ignorance is bliss!

I have an older cousin who every so often tries to stuff my immediate family in closet with all of those skeletons, fully knowing that there’s no room for us! I’m happy to report that sure we’ve done some things that we’re not proud of.  But yes we haven’t done all the unmentionables that my extended family has that is certain.  I often wondered what has saved us from falling into that great Abyss that surrounds a lot of families . And without a doubt that something is of course our faith-based upbringing. A huge fear of God goes a long way in your day-to-day life!

Another fact is that the Devil Makes use of Idle Hands. Having steady employment year after year really does keep you out of trouble that’s for sure. In my work I encounter all walks of people all social castes.  The people who approach me asking for money or wanting a ride or cigarettes or a light (of course I don’t even smoke! ) or wanting money for food, are they really legitimate or are they just wanting the money for drugs or alcohol?

I guess I’ll never really know and the truth be told I have my own concerns my own was my own worries my own goals. Maybe we’re really not our Brother’s Keeper. And it is hard to discern who’s really needy versus who’s deceiving.

I do regret not distinguishing general complaints from dire thoughts. When last I seen him with his son he seemed happy. But maybe I was happy; it was a beautiful day, I was at a city I loved enjoying an event – and I assumed he was too.

 

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